" No matter what, once in your life someone will hurt you. That someone will take all of you and rip it into pieces and they won't even watched where the pieces land. But through the breakdown, you'll learn something about yourself. You'll learn that you are strong and no matter how hard they destroy you, that you can conquer anyone."
It' s been 6 months since i had my 1st broken heart. It had never been easy. There were days I would cry myself to sleep. I was so stressed that my health suffered. I fought. I bargained. But we were never back together.
Every after 2 weeks since the break up we communicated, yes we talked over the phone. At first it will be civil and pleasant but eventually led to arguments. Both of us will get tired of the topic. Him with me rehashing the past and me hoping he will realize what he has lost and will want me back. Nothing has changed. We were not back together and he didnt changed his mind.
Can I say I'm better now? maybe to say the least that I'm done doing those things mentioned above. I seldom cry now. I stop bargaining and I pray to sleep.Reality has presented me all the impossibilities of us being back together yet at times, well maybe for the most part I still find myself hoping. Why? I don't know. It's been 6 months and though I've tried to convince myself I have moved on maybe I have not. Not 100%. Well, nobody said it would take overnight afterall I've invested my emotions. 5 years, it was.
What really hurts the most is that I thought I was loved more than I loved the person. It hurts me so much to have held on to his commitment that no matter what happens he can't afford to hurt me and see me cry. But all those changed. All of which were broken commitments.
The blame is not all his. I have so many shortcomings , that led him to find someone who can fill in the missing 10% of me in our relationship. It was so painful to know that these happened with him having to compromised my emotions.
I trusted. I loved. I became confident. I felt so secured with his love. I didn't let jealousy come into play. Afterall I was holding on to his commitment. But it was too late for me to have realized that I should have been more aggressive because late did I know that somethings going on. Someone is inlove with him and he was falling too.
Suddenly our 5 years became nothing. It became less important because He wanted to try and see if his new relationship would work and if this is really what he needed in his life.
I tried to fight and win him back. I felt so small and I felt so stupid for fighting for him even if he is not inlove with me anymore. I just thought it was too fast for him to change his mind. I was too foolish to believe that if I bargained he will come back and fight for our love too. I was wrong.I found out things I never thought were happening. It hurts me so much to believe that what was going on between him and the other person was just nothing, just friendship and it would pass, won't mean any deeper. I became careless, so there I found myself dumped and less important.
Time helped me lessen the pain , yes somehow its less now. The pain will always be here. It has left a scar in my heart. I may be tired of crying and talking about these emotions. But of course, from time to time when I get to remember how he hurt me, I still breakdown and cry, in silence. The people who cares for me doesn't deserve to see me in pain anymore. Perhaps up to now I am still in disbelief that the person I loved for 5 years, the person i considered my strength, my world and my bestfriend can betray me, can lie to me.
I stayed for 5 years, remained loyal and made a commitment to myself that I would stay and I would be with him through all the ups and downs life would give him but it's not gonna happen now coz he threw our love away.
More than anything else, I am in pain because he doesn't have any idea of how difficult it has been for me to accept his change of heart. How I struggled to move on. Since day 1 all he said to me was to move forward and not think of this too much. That was just so easy for him to say because he has someone new.
I know I'll get through this. 6 months may still be a short period of time to forget everything, but I'd like to believe I'll heal soon. I am trying everything to help myself divert my attention but of course there are still days when his memory steps in and I would just find myself in disbelief. I still wish this person well. I hated the fact that I don't hate him, maybe if I do it would have been easier to forget. This person caused me pain I have never experienced before. I loved, I trusted, I gave what I think I could though not enough, compromising my emotions to something that he thinks can make him happy doesnt justify everything. Doesn't give him the reason to hurt me this much. He broke me into pieces and it would always hurt me to know that he doesn't care how I am picking up the pieces. It feels so unfair.
I know this experience is teaching me a lesson. To be strong, and I will be. I am looking forward to seeing myself completely healed and over you. In God's time.
It' s been 6 months since i had my 1st broken heart. It had never been easy. There were days I would cry myself to sleep. I was so stressed that my health suffered. I fought. I bargained. But we were never back together.
Every after 2 weeks since the break up we communicated, yes we talked over the phone. At first it will be civil and pleasant but eventually led to arguments. Both of us will get tired of the topic. Him with me rehashing the past and me hoping he will realize what he has lost and will want me back. Nothing has changed. We were not back together and he didnt changed his mind.
Can I say I'm better now? maybe to say the least that I'm done doing those things mentioned above. I seldom cry now. I stop bargaining and I pray to sleep.Reality has presented me all the impossibilities of us being back together yet at times, well maybe for the most part I still find myself hoping. Why? I don't know. It's been 6 months and though I've tried to convince myself I have moved on maybe I have not. Not 100%. Well, nobody said it would take overnight afterall I've invested my emotions. 5 years, it was.
What really hurts the most is that I thought I was loved more than I loved the person. It hurts me so much to have held on to his commitment that no matter what happens he can't afford to hurt me and see me cry. But all those changed. All of which were broken commitments.
The blame is not all his. I have so many shortcomings , that led him to find someone who can fill in the missing 10% of me in our relationship. It was so painful to know that these happened with him having to compromised my emotions.
I trusted. I loved. I became confident. I felt so secured with his love. I didn't let jealousy come into play. Afterall I was holding on to his commitment. But it was too late for me to have realized that I should have been more aggressive because late did I know that somethings going on. Someone is inlove with him and he was falling too.
Suddenly our 5 years became nothing. It became less important because He wanted to try and see if his new relationship would work and if this is really what he needed in his life.
I tried to fight and win him back. I felt so small and I felt so stupid for fighting for him even if he is not inlove with me anymore. I just thought it was too fast for him to change his mind. I was too foolish to believe that if I bargained he will come back and fight for our love too. I was wrong.I found out things I never thought were happening. It hurts me so much to believe that what was going on between him and the other person was just nothing, just friendship and it would pass, won't mean any deeper. I became careless, so there I found myself dumped and less important.
Time helped me lessen the pain , yes somehow its less now. The pain will always be here. It has left a scar in my heart. I may be tired of crying and talking about these emotions. But of course, from time to time when I get to remember how he hurt me, I still breakdown and cry, in silence. The people who cares for me doesn't deserve to see me in pain anymore. Perhaps up to now I am still in disbelief that the person I loved for 5 years, the person i considered my strength, my world and my bestfriend can betray me, can lie to me.
I stayed for 5 years, remained loyal and made a commitment to myself that I would stay and I would be with him through all the ups and downs life would give him but it's not gonna happen now coz he threw our love away.
More than anything else, I am in pain because he doesn't have any idea of how difficult it has been for me to accept his change of heart. How I struggled to move on. Since day 1 all he said to me was to move forward and not think of this too much. That was just so easy for him to say because he has someone new.
I know I'll get through this. 6 months may still be a short period of time to forget everything, but I'd like to believe I'll heal soon. I am trying everything to help myself divert my attention but of course there are still days when his memory steps in and I would just find myself in disbelief. I still wish this person well. I hated the fact that I don't hate him, maybe if I do it would have been easier to forget. This person caused me pain I have never experienced before. I loved, I trusted, I gave what I think I could though not enough, compromising my emotions to something that he thinks can make him happy doesnt justify everything. Doesn't give him the reason to hurt me this much. He broke me into pieces and it would always hurt me to know that he doesn't care how I am picking up the pieces. It feels so unfair.
I know this experience is teaching me a lesson. To be strong, and I will be. I am looking forward to seeing myself completely healed and over you. In God's time.