I know that our mother is no longer here with us on earth. We are sad, we are on pain. On the other hand, we know that her battle is over. It hurts so much. It broke me to have seen my Mother cried in pain; who all her life she did nothing but to give us everything she could for us to have better future, for our family to be together.
I am sad because I lost a loved one, yet I know I should also be glad knowing that our Mother is in a better place. She passed away peacefully. I know that I will still wear a smile every time I will remember that even in her last few days with us, she still made us loved. She still thought of us. Some of her lines before she passed away were " Paano ang mga bata?" (How are the kids going to be?) "Handa na ako, tinataas ko na ang loob ko sa Panginoon" ( I am ready, I am surrendering myself to the Lord.) She was even able to say thank you to us, her children for taking care of her, she specifically thanked my Father and my youngest sister for taking care of her. She said “Mga anak maraming maraming salamat, Rudy salamat sa iyo, Ella, salamat sa pagaalaga mo." Mom, you really wouldn’t have to, it’s our obligation and we will do everything for you because we love you so much.
My mother, our Inay had a very strong faith. . She courageously faced her illness. It's been 5 years that she underwent DIALYSIS, without a miss, without absent. For 5 years she had it for 2x a week without fail. How painful, how difficult is it to have 2 thick needles getting in to your veins? How hard is it to bear body pains because of all the toxins being extracted from your body, how difficult is it to bear uncomfortability due to itchiness and cramps and all this low blood pressures and dizziness? With all those, I never heard her complained. I never heard her that she no longer wanted these sessions and treatment. She never quit. With all those years, can you imagine, she never resigned from work. She still went to school on her wheelchair, with her students having to lift her up to the 2nd floor, that is because for her she still wants to enjoy life, she said she still can do things and most of all, she said because her income can still be of help.
With that 5 year battle, it was only on her last day, Tuesday , Feb 08 it was when I heard her say she was tired. It was only that day that she refused the dialysis session. I know how much she wanted to fight, but maybe her body was really tired. We have made ourselves ready. She was even the one who signed the waiver that she does not want any respirator be put in to her; she may have done it so as not to cause us any guilt feeling should she go. Mom, you're truly amazing.
We all had one prayer, that is if Mom will go, we prayed that she be not in pain, that she will not be in a state where her hands will fall down or something to that kind, and we were answered. Mom was just sleeping, she was not crying in pain anymore. We kept on talking to her, because I know she can still hear us, she still has vital signs, however though heart rate was fluctuating, oxygen level was below normal. With her last minute, I requested her to open her eyes, quite a number of times ( doctor said she was already semi coma at that point) and she did, she didn't fail me even to the last second of her life. She opened her eyes and I know she had seen us all, 5 kids and my Father, then she closed her eyes and that was it.
I surely will miss you Inay. Thank you Inay for all your love and understanding.
You are truly one of a kind. Even to your very last moment, you never gave us even a bit of worry. Before she closed her eyes our money for the hospital bill was completed. The very same night we were able to release her. Thanks to all those who offered a helping hand, we were able to give Mom a decent service.
Looking at your life, you definitely lived a full life. At 21, you were married and had kids. Was able to have a gift shop, taught in the city and province for both public and private. You were loved by your students.
It’s been 13 days as I complete this note and yet it still as if you never left. It's as if I am just dreaming; parang hindi totoong wala kana, that you just left for vacation. I have accepted the fact that you are gone physically and I miss you every day. Thanks to all our real friends who have comforted us during this time. It surely means a lot.
It's been 13 days...and I still feel everything happened so fast. It may be hard to accept that she passed away but I know that she is in better place now where there is no more pain and suffering. God will comfort us. We draw our strength from our faith that our Inay is in a better place.
I am sad because I lost a loved one, yet I know I should also be glad knowing that our Mother is in a better place. She passed away peacefully. I know that I will still wear a smile every time I will remember that even in her last few days with us, she still made us loved. She still thought of us. Some of her lines before she passed away were " Paano ang mga bata?" (How are the kids going to be?) "Handa na ako, tinataas ko na ang loob ko sa Panginoon" ( I am ready, I am surrendering myself to the Lord.) She was even able to say thank you to us, her children for taking care of her, she specifically thanked my Father and my youngest sister for taking care of her. She said “Mga anak maraming maraming salamat, Rudy salamat sa iyo, Ella, salamat sa pagaalaga mo." Mom, you really wouldn’t have to, it’s our obligation and we will do everything for you because we love you so much.
My mother, our Inay had a very strong faith. . She courageously faced her illness. It's been 5 years that she underwent DIALYSIS, without a miss, without absent. For 5 years she had it for 2x a week without fail. How painful, how difficult is it to have 2 thick needles getting in to your veins? How hard is it to bear body pains because of all the toxins being extracted from your body, how difficult is it to bear uncomfortability due to itchiness and cramps and all this low blood pressures and dizziness? With all those, I never heard her complained. I never heard her that she no longer wanted these sessions and treatment. She never quit. With all those years, can you imagine, she never resigned from work. She still went to school on her wheelchair, with her students having to lift her up to the 2nd floor, that is because for her she still wants to enjoy life, she said she still can do things and most of all, she said because her income can still be of help.
With that 5 year battle, it was only on her last day, Tuesday , Feb 08 it was when I heard her say she was tired. It was only that day that she refused the dialysis session. I know how much she wanted to fight, but maybe her body was really tired. We have made ourselves ready. She was even the one who signed the waiver that she does not want any respirator be put in to her; she may have done it so as not to cause us any guilt feeling should she go. Mom, you're truly amazing.
We all had one prayer, that is if Mom will go, we prayed that she be not in pain, that she will not be in a state where her hands will fall down or something to that kind, and we were answered. Mom was just sleeping, she was not crying in pain anymore. We kept on talking to her, because I know she can still hear us, she still has vital signs, however though heart rate was fluctuating, oxygen level was below normal. With her last minute, I requested her to open her eyes, quite a number of times ( doctor said she was already semi coma at that point) and she did, she didn't fail me even to the last second of her life. She opened her eyes and I know she had seen us all, 5 kids and my Father, then she closed her eyes and that was it.
I surely will miss you Inay. Thank you Inay for all your love and understanding.
You are truly one of a kind. Even to your very last moment, you never gave us even a bit of worry. Before she closed her eyes our money for the hospital bill was completed. The very same night we were able to release her. Thanks to all those who offered a helping hand, we were able to give Mom a decent service.
Looking at your life, you definitely lived a full life. At 21, you were married and had kids. Was able to have a gift shop, taught in the city and province for both public and private. You were loved by your students.
It’s been 13 days as I complete this note and yet it still as if you never left. It's as if I am just dreaming; parang hindi totoong wala kana, that you just left for vacation. I have accepted the fact that you are gone physically and I miss you every day. Thanks to all our real friends who have comforted us during this time. It surely means a lot.
It's been 13 days...and I still feel everything happened so fast. It may be hard to accept that she passed away but I know that she is in better place now where there is no more pain and suffering. God will comfort us. We draw our strength from our faith that our Inay is in a better place.